"Will you
relax?" Bryce asked, keeping his voice low. Kas opened his mouth, but Bryce
gave him an almost pleading look that had me utterly fascinated.
"Please?"
Kas closed his mouth
and looked down at Bryce for a moment as if looking for something. Finally, he
nodded and the tension in Bryce's shoulders dissipated. Without another word,
he followed his friends downstairs and Kas glanced at me.
"What?"
"I just wish I
had the ability to read minds," I sighed, flopping onto the bare mattress
of my bed and staring at the ceiling for the last time. "If I knew what
people were thinking, my life wouldn't be so difficult."
Kas sat on the edge
of the bed and looked down at me, a smile tugging up the corners of his mouth.
"I think you've got that backwards. But isn't guessing supposed to be the
fun part when it comes to people?"
"You tell me,
Kas," I said, closing my eyes. "I'm not good with people, not like
you are. I don't know how… anything works."
I kept my eyes
closed, unable to face him after bringing up his reminder from several minutes
ago. Kas was five years older than me and was very well experienced in what I
assumed was everything. I had heard his jokes and crude comments over the years
which pointed to a lifetime's worth of… well, everything. How could someone as
ignorant about the world as I was know
what I wanted if I didn't even know what I could want?
Reading books and
watching movies doesn't tell you how the real-world works. It's pipe dreams
with pretty people and pretty endings. But I had seen the darkness that existed
in this world, the real world. I didn't know if what I felt was real or just
the hormones of a teenage girl in close proximity to hot guys. Maybe that's all
it was, but I just wanted to be happy, whatever that meant.
"The best way to
learn is through experience," Kas answered quietly. "You're young and
have plenty of time to figure it all out. You don't need to be good with people,
just the right ones. As beautiful and intelligent as you are, the world is at
your mercy, Rainbow."
Tears stung my eyes
as I finally looked up at him, silent tears slipping from my eyes. "I'm
going to miss you, Kas. I'm not sure I'm ready for that goodbye."
Kas held out his hand
to me and I took it, letting him pull me into a sitting position. Brown eyes
searched mine, our faces inches apart as he tucked the strand behind my ear
again.
"What if you
didn't have to?" he asked, his breath fanning across my skin again.
"What if you could see me any time you wanted or needed to?"
"What do you
mean?" I whispered in confusion as more tears welled in my eyes. "I
can't ask you to drop everything whenever I miss you, Kas. I wouldn't."
"But what if you
didn't have to?" he pressed, doubt filling his eyes as I began to shake my
head. I still didn't understand what he was asking of me. "Would you be
okay with that?"
"How?"
"Because he
lives across the hall from us," Bryce said before Kas could answer. Both
of us turned to look at him in surprise. "He would be within reach
whenever you wanted him there."
"Bryce…"
Kas sighed dejectedly, rubbing his forehead.
"It's
fine," Bryce cut in while I struggled to process what he had just said.
"I just came up here to tell you that the boys are going to finish loading
her stuff up. Andi, stay here with Kas and I'll be back in a little bit. We can
leave after that if you want."
"Where are you going?"
Kas frowned.
"My brother
needs me for something," Bryce answered vaguely. Kas clenched his jaw but
remained silent. "Don't worry, it won't take long."
As he walked away, I
slowly stood from the bed, packing away the last of my books as I tried to wrap
my head around it.
"Why are you
doing this?" I asked, keeping my back to him.
"Because I want
to," he answered without hesitation.
"But why?"
I repeated more forcefully. "Because Rory told you to? Because you don't
trust Bryce? For some other reason? Why? Don't lie to me, Kas, because
I've had plenty of those lately."
I heard the creak of
the mattress as he stood and felt the subtle vibration with each step he took
towards me. My heart was racing, and I could feel tears trying to find their way
out again. When the heat of his body was so close that I could feel it through
my clothes, I went still.
"Because I want
to, Andi," Kas repeated again. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want
to be. That's a promise."
I believed him even
though I couldn't shake the feeling it wasn't the whole truth. But I accepted
it, my desperately naive brain absorbing the promise like it would justify the
darkest parts of me that wanted this to be real.
